Smiley

I received a lot of smiles today.

I like this day J

I am happy, not crappy.

Thank you Lord.

“.. ang blooming mo today Cathie. J “

Money

Money. Is it really everything? Can one live and not have money? Can anybody justify that money is NOT about everything?

Lately iv been experiencing financial crisis, like everyone does. It bothers me so much, like a child who craves so much for a tootsie roll.

We are a middle-class family. It is not something I am proud of and it is not something I am sorry for either. Sometimes I do wonder, how are we getting thru this? How are we getting thru all the expenses? How come we are not in jail for having so many debts that we cant until now pay?

¹⁴And in their prayers for you their hearts will go out to you, because of the surpassing grace God has given you. – 2 Corinthians 9:14

Of course I know it is by God’s grace. Just imagine, life without God. All things are under HIM, all living and non-living things, governed and controlled by HIM.

This is just a random train of thoughts. I am just writing what’s on my mind. Just letting it all out. Just thinking out loud.

Lately

As for what I did the last few months, here they are.

March 15-20

I went to Singapore with my CGmates and few good people from church. It was quite an extraordinary and exciting experience since this is my first time out of the country and im not even with my family. I enjoyed it, so much. I wish I can go back. I kinda loved Singapore, the moment I saw it.

March 24

Whole day Jobfair @ Gateway Mall. Met a new friend his name is Ralph. Harmless and funny creature, I mean guy (Ahihi) Then I went @ Monte’s place, we call it Montelandia. The house or should I say the mansion is so enormous, that I really looks like those big houses on telenovelas. We had dinner because its Edel’s and Monte’s goodbye party. They are leaving Convergys.

March 25

Brianna’s Birthday Bash She just turned a year older. She celebrated her birthday @ Nestle’s Creamery. Cool Place. Won a lot of kiddie games (yes, I joined) Nathan had a blast. Earlier this Sunday, finally saw Josh. Its CBC 48^th Anniversary. Praise God for 48 years of God’s faithfulness.

March 27

A note on my planner says “im so missing you..”

March 28

Bij and I visited the funeral service of Ate Rhiz’s dad. It was such a i-don’t-know-how-to-call-it experience. It was happy and at the same time sad. At the funeral, while the fanily and friends were saying something about Pastor Bob (Ate Rhiz’s dad) I was actually thinking of my funeral. Who would attend? Who would cry? Among my friends, who would cry the most? What will be the music? I have asked myself all the absurd questions that runs my mind. Just plain curious. Met Jasper. My Chef Friend.

March 29

Its Chinky’s birthday!!! We had ice cream, balloons, party poppers, party hats, candies, games, spaghetti, chicken and lots of smiles. I was kidding, That was what we hope we had. She’s my college buddy, we were like Meredith and Cristina (if only we were doctors) I miss her. I'm seeing her soon.

March 30

Philippine Blog Awards. I went there with Fer upon Jomar’s invitation to be part of his staff or committee. Had a great time. Met a lot of great people. Learned a lot of great things. Such a great experience. I will never forget this.

April 1

April fool’s day. Nothing much happened.

April 9-13

DVBS. One long week of teaching, meeting with kids, talking and playing with them. One of the things I love. Teaching little kids. Only few of my friends know that I love teaching. Its one of my stress buster. Talking to little kids, especially toddlers (I really thank God for Nathan) I taught grades 3-4 with trixie, Ptr. Eric, Ate Wheng and Iggy. I had to change my shift from 9-6 to 12-9 just for this event. I had the evening schedule for two weeks. It was kind of hard and tiring but at the end of the day, everytime I think of the kids that I talked with earlier in the day, the stress, the tireness (if there is such a word) are all worth it.

April 13

Attended my first HR Team Meeting @ Sykes. It was great J We had the Jss up that buko contest, which we didn’t win any place. But its ok, atleast we know that everyonr thinks our buko is the best.

April 14

How can I forget?! Today is Saturday. I woke up ate around 5am and went jogging with Ralph. Probably my earliest date ever. I had my haircut with Arjay and prep up for Ate Joanne’s wedding. The wedding was so beautiful. I love weddings. I love happy endings. Though I know that happy endings doesn’t end at weddings or they live happily ever after. Because sometimes it just, “once upon a time.” Anyhoo, going back sa wedding. Ate Joanne is one cousin sa father’s side. Last year it was Ate Gelen who was married and I was one of the secondary sponsors, now its Tinay’s time. Little did I know that, the reception, the one im always waiting for, is waiting for me too. Being a single (and beautiful) lady is always a plus, but not on weddings, if you know what I mean. In receptions, there is always a time when everybody is finished eating and there gaze are all on the bride, the groom and they emcee. The time when the bride would throw the bouquet and one “lucky” girl would catch it and would be identified as the next bride. Well in Ate Joanne’s wedding, unfortunately, I was that “lucky” girl. As I understood it, it does not necessarily mean that I would be the next to get married. It simply means that the bride wishes me happiness, in terms of my lovelife. Well, thanks for wishing that, It’s the last thing on my list.

April 17

Today I received a lot of GC’s. Blessing for me I met Freak earlier this day and he gave me chocolates. Im not suppose to write this, well, I just don’t want to forget. And Freak hates it when I document something about us, about what happened to us, im just pissing him off. Haha! Don’t worry Freak, I like you too.

April 19

Started watching big brother. Kinda getting addicted actually. So irritated with Wendy and Maricris, haha! And so love Mickey and oh, only Mickey pala!

April 24

Happy Birthday Hunnybunny! I remember the first time I mentioned Hunnybunny in my blog, “someone” actually thought that he was my boyfriend or something. Well, he is my boy friend, a guy friend, and we’re not romantically involved with each other. We just call each other Hunnybunny, long story, way way back. We ate @ Mongkok Dimsum sa Cyberzone with CG Tsinelas.

April 26 – 1:04AM

.. I think that this is not ok, that this is happening.. this… this.. emotional outburst.. this heavy heart feeling.. this i-cant-stop-but-cry moments.. its been 5 mos. Why can’t I stop thinking about it? Why can’t I move on? Why can’t I be happy? Why am I so pathetic? When will I get out of this?

April 28

We went to Fontana, to have some fun. This is actually my first time to taste summer. I haven’t gone to any beach or any swimming pool, (Ace water spa is an excemption) this summer. I actually got the taste or the feeling of sunlight on my skin, in chlorine contaminated water. Im with majority of the CBC family. Its suppose to be a DVBS Evaluation outing. But since most of the CBC Family all like to join this event, they made it a family outing already. It was great. I get to hang out with the kids or should I say teens. It was a i-don’t-know-what-you-call-it experience. When I was with them, I feel like I am one of then. And then at some point, I snap out of it and then things went back to where it was before. Went home very tired and very sun burned, but happy J

April 29

Today is Ate Hazel’s departure for US. She is to get married to Kuya Joel, in the span of 6mos ( I think) She is a very good frend. I love her. And I hate to actually see her leave. We had so many memories together. We had laughter and tears. She’s Frend and I am Frend. I would miss her hugs. I will miss her. I miss her now.

So much for late post. Thanks for labor day, I actually got time to sit down and think and compose whatever happened to me and whatever bothers me.

LONG TIME, NO BLOG

As what I always do, I always post late blogs. I haven’t been updating my blog for the past few months. A lot of things happened lately. Things that shouldn’t have happened. Things I worried about, that I shouldn’t have worried about. Things that just happen, they just happen. And when they happened, you cant do anything about it.

I'm suppose to update you on what have happened to me lately. Its no big deal really. Nothing much. Thank God still alive, still breathing. But silent and discreet, surprisingly not so Cathie. The Cathie that everyone knows, everyone loves, everybody’s fond of havin’ around. Even my planner has gone quiet. No rants, no silent smiles, no questions, no emotions, no nothing.

Is this good? Am I getting used to this? To not letting out what I actually feel? To claim that im really ok, but am not? To smile and pretend im not hurt, but really I am? To say im fine, but deep inside really I scream?

I do not wish to make this post a controversial one. I can actually name a few people who can understand what im saying. I am enjoying the silence, but I have no peace. It does not help, it only add hurt. But I am getting use to this. But I want it to stop. And I want it to stop now.

Dialogs

"Alam mo bang pinakamasakit sa lahat? Ang mabuhay sa isang sulok ng nag iisa."
- Troy

"Romeo, bakit ganun? Ang bilis mo naman magbago. Ang pag ibig pala sayo mabilis palitan."
-Monique

"Hindi ko alam kung makakaya kong mabuhay ng wala ka sa tabi ko.. mahirap mabuhay ng wala ang taong nakasanayan mo na."
- Prince Gian

"Bakit kailangan umabot sa ganito? Susuko na ba ako?"
- Janelle

Time

“There is a time for everything,
And a season for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die,
A time to plant and a time to uproot.

A time to kill and a time to heal,
A time to tear down and a time to build.

A time to weep and a time to laugh,
A time to mourn and a time to dance.

A time to scatter stones and a time to gather them..

A time to embrace and at time to refrain from embracing.

A time to search and a time to give up,
A time to keep and a time to throw away.

A time to tear and a time to mend,
A time to be silent and a time to speak.

A time to love and a time to hate,
A time for war and a time for peace.

He has made everything beautiful in His time. He also set eternity in the hearts of men, yet they cannot fathom what God has done from beginning to end.

*Eccelesiastes 3:1-8

Soularium

Isaiah 40:28-31

“Do you know? Have you not heard? The Lord is the everlasting God, the creator of the ends of the earth. He will not grow tired or weary, and his understanding no one can fathom. He gives strength to the weary and increase the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and waery and young men stumble and fall, but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”


**Last thursday this was my reflection sa Soularium. Had a refreshing encounter with God again. He reminded me again. He comforted me again. Nahihiya na nga ako eh."

Laylo

Laylo muna ako.
Saan?
Sa lahat.
Bakit?
Ewan ko.
May problema ba?
Wala naman.
O, anong nangyari?
Hindi ko alam.
Bakit ka ganyan?
Di ko din alam.
Baliw ka na ata eh.
Siguro nga.
Anong balak mo?
Kelangan kong mag-recharge
Ng gasolina? Haha.
OO, di na ako tumatakabo ng maayos eh.
Saan at kelan ka mag-papa-gas?
Di ko pa alam, dapat nga ngayon na eh.
Ayoko ng masiraan eh.. habang ang ganda na nga takbo ko.

Tahimik

Matagal na nanahimik ang blog.
Matagal na hindi nagsalita at nanguli ang Chinese na Makulit.
Nawalan ng ganang magsulat, magkwento, mangulit.
Maraming nakamis.. Maraming nagtaka..
Bakit? Ang tanong nila?.
Anong nangyari? Sambit ng iba.
Ok ka lang? Pagtataka ng iba.
Matagal na nanahimik ang blog.
Matagal na hindi nasalita at walang naisulat.
Pero ang isip at puso ay hindi mapakali.
Ang isip at puso ng isang Chinese na makulit ay hindi matahimik
“wari ko ay may kulang” sabi ng isip niya.
“o meron kanga yaw bitiwan?” tanong naman ng puso niya.
“hindi ko alam.. hindi ko alam..” ang sagot ng Chinese na hindi nangungulit.

Awesome

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God.

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God.

Our God is an awesome God
He reigns from heaven above
with wisdom, power and love
our God is an awesome God.

Late Posts

Ayan na ang mga late posts ko, haha! may date naman sa baba kung kelan ko sinulat eh :) malamang ganito nalang ako palagi.. laging late.. late sa lahat.. maski sa nangyayari sayo, late ko narin nalalaman.. break na pala tayo, akala ko tayo pa.. late ko na nalaman balita.. kamote!



ngek! may ganun?!


haha!Ü

Read or Die

Last Feb. 3 I attended the Read or Die Convention. The night before that I was so disappointed because I bought the tickets for 300p already and nakakainis kasi I could’ve bought it for just 150 L Anyhoo, I went there with a heavy heart and then I was surprised by how my 300 bux was worth every cent. (too bad, not for Fer :( ) I was one of the early birds, I was told kasi there would be freebies.Ü (im a big fan) and true enough, I got a fudge kit (or so they call it like that, becoz of the Fudge freebie magazine dated Sept. 2006) so much for the freebie, I thought. As for Fer’s disappointment of how late the convention started or ‘opened” I didn’t actually noticed the time. After they opened the “gates” or “doors” the few people scram in and listened to the keynote / opening speeches of few intellectuals. One of them is my mom’s boss :) after that I went to sign up to what’s gonna happen to the function rooms, the 1st on I attended was a panel discussion lead by The New World Alliance. Of which we talked about, Mythopeia, Narnia, Harry Potter’s villain Voldemort and JRR Tolkien’s LOTR. I didn’t finish that one. I proceeded with my last attendance at the other function room, Poetry Reading. It was lead my celebrities, Harlene Bautista, tintin Bersola, and Lourd De Veyra. We got freebies from URC, etc. Attending this Poetry Reading session relive or aroused the poet in me again :) im planning to write poems again.. of various sorts J Halo halo siguro mas maganda :)

Tissue

Alam mo ba na ayaw ng tissue na nasasayang siya?
Ang iba nagagalit. Ang iba nagtatampo.
Sinabi nilang lahat ito sa akin.
Maski madumi daw ang kanilang pakinabang,
Mas gusto nilang ginagamit sila.
Mas nararamdaman daw nila ang katuturan nila.
Kaya’t sa susunod na nakita mo ang tissue,
Kaibigan, tandaan mo ang sinabi kong ito.

*******************************************
February 4, 2007
*waiting for my rocket to come*

Ninais ko noon

Noong maliit pa ako.. ninais kong maging isang sikat na mang aawit.
Wala naman akong paboritong mang aawit o idolo.
Basta gusto ko lang nasa entablado ako at madaming ilaw, madaming tao,
madaming hiyawan at walang katapusang palakpakan.
Ninais ko na idolohin ako at maging sikat.
Lumipas ang ialng taon, nakilala ko Siya.

Mabait Siya at madami Siyang tinuro sa kin.
Palagi niya ako sinasamahan kahit saan ako magpunta.
Siya rin ang naging dahilan lung pano ako natuto umawit.
Siya ang nagturo ng bawat salita at kung pano ito babasahin.
Siya ang nagturo gn bawat nota kung pano ito kantahin.
Siya ang aking naging awit.

Ngayon na isa na akong ganap na mangaawit, nabago na ang gusto ko.
Hindi ko na ninais na ako ang idolohin at maging sikat,
sa harap ng madaming tao, sa harap ng madaming ilaw.
Binago Niya ang gusto kong kasikatan, pero hindi niya ako pinilit.

Ngayon mas gusto ko nalang kumanta mag isa.
Yung tipong walang nakakakita, walang nakakarinig, walang pumapalakpak.
Hindi sa kinakabahan ako sa harap ng madaming tao, habang kumakanta ako.
Kinakabahan ako sa Kanya, habang nasa harap ko Siya at pinakikingan ako.

Ano kaya ang dating sa Kanya ng aking mga awit? ng aking pag-awit?
Siya lang ang kinatatakutan kong jurado sa pag awit ng aking buhay.

Lahat ng aking awit sa Kanya nagmula.
Lahat ng aking awit sa Kanya ko iaalay, sa kanya ko ibibigay.

Siya ang dahilan ng aking pag awit.
Siya ang aking awit.


Noong maliit pa ako.. ninais kong maging isang sikat na mang aawit.
At ngayon, na isa na akong ganap na mang aawit..



ninanais kong....



*****************************
February 4, 2007 4:00PM

Long Walks

I always like long walks..

long walks in the morning..
long walks in the evening..
long walks in the park,
and even long walks in the mall.

Yeah, it may sound so girly, ahaha! I know!
Its just that i never get tired walking inside the mall.
(i know you would say, ofcourse!)

Its one of those walks that i never want to end.

Just like ours.

They say that one way to keep fit is that, we need to walk 10,000 steps a day.
Its a good exercise din daw.

I figured if its you im walking with, i never would want to finish the 10,000 steps that soon.Ü
Every walk with you seems shorter than the last time.
Pakonti ng pakonti ang oras at araw natin na magkasama.

I always feel happy.
I always flash a smile.
Everytime im with you.

I always love long walks.

Its just sad that ours is not.

**************************
January 31, 2007 8:52PM

Mocha Freeze! Brain Freeze! Heart Freeze!

Haha! Thanks to Tin hindi ako makatulog ngayon dahil sa binigay niyang Mocha Freeze from Ministop. Ngayon lang nga yata ako nakatikim nun kaya gayun na lamang ang epekto nito sa akin. Palpitation to the max. As in grabeh, simula kaninang 6pm, hindi na tumigil sa 150 heartbeat per minute or per second ang tibok ng puso ko.. tama nga ang kantang, "kapag tumibok ang puso, wala ka ng magagawa kundi sundin ito.." Haha! yack! Ang corny! Anyhoo, kala ko kinakabahan lang talaga ako, ngayon na prove ko na, na dahil nga talaga ito sa Mocha Freeze! My Brain Freeze! My Heart Freeze! (pun intended)

Salamat sa Mocha Freeze dahil ma ibblog ko ang lahat ng mga dapat kong iblog.Ü

Highlights muna kanina:

*Inabutan ako ng ulan kaninang umaga papasok, figured it would start a bad day for me.. i just sung my "its a happy day song" all morning, and with a smile and that song, my day went well.
*Naayos ko na ang mga small things sa work ko. Sabi nga ni Howard, "God wants me to iron out small things before i can go on.." something like that.. on my part, just finish ironing out my small clutters sa work. Great Job!
*Nagyayaya si kuya Gharri na manlilibre daw siya sa saberdey! Yehey! Libre nanaman.. Pero sana naman kaya kami pupunta??
*Mukhang tuloy na ako sa concert sa friday.. at kasama ko si.. Ü
*Haay, andami kong gusto iblog/sabihin/ikwento/hindi ko na alam kung ano pa.. pero sa usual tinatamad ako! Haha!

tagalog posts

Nang dahil kay Hannee (hehe) ay natutuo akong gumawa ng mga tagalog post.. kung kayo yung tipong hindi nag uusap ng isang taon pero magbestprend kayo at suddenly eh nagusap kayo ulit.. at lagi ng magka-email eh mahahawa ka talaga sa kanya at magiging madramang makata ka..

..at gaya ng blogs niya.. pag tagalog ay metaphors ito.. (shucks, gaya gaya..)

di bale magpopost ako ng original.. may ginaya naman siya sa akin eh.. hehe.. gagawin palang niya.. abangan niyo.. :)

sige 5AM na.. maliligo na ako at papasok pa ako :)

sa susunod ay english blogs na.. kaya naman pala din ako nagtatagalog ay dahil sabi ng ofcmates ko ay ako na ang pinaka barok na pilipina na kilala nila.. na-realize ko din yun.. nagdedeteriorate na ang aking pagtatagalog.. pero hindi ako magaleng sa ingles.. Ü

*galeng pala ako kagabi sa Solarium.. iba ang experience.. anyhoo, gagawa ako ng bagong post for that..

.. haay so many post.. so little time :(

Tear Ducts Really Run Dry

.. naisip ko lang.. at ni-reveal sa akin ni God..

"Ayaw ni God na umiyak ako at ibuhos ang luha ko sa lungkot ng pagkawala niya.. gusto Niya, ibuhos ko lang ang luha ko sa mga bagay na masaya, mga bagay na maganda, mga bagay na gagawin niya para sa akin.."


** siguro nga may hang over pa ako.. haay.. (it'll take time, sabi nga ni Honey) pero im so greatful at what God have promise and excited at the same time at what God will do sa akin.. this is the only thing i have.. He is the only one i got.. and i will do everything.. everything.. to please Him, to praise him.. to serve Him..

Nawala na ang LAMIG

Hindi ko na naramdaman ang lamig ngayong gabi.
Nalaman mo ba kung anong ginagawa nito sa akin kaya mo kinuha?
Marahil nga kinuha mo ito.
Bakit ka ba ganyan?
Lahat nalang kinukuha mo sa akin.
Ayaw mo kong maging masaya.
Ayaw mo ko maging malungkot.
Anong gusto mong mangyare sa akin?
Ang lagay ba eh, gusto mo ikaw lang maligaya?
Gusto mo ikaw lang amg may nararamdaman?
Sinasadya mo bang maging manhid ako?
Pwes, sa ngayon ay pwede kang magbunyi dahil, OO, sa mga sandaling ito ay manhid ako.
Manhid na manhid na sa kahit anong sarap at kahit anong sakit na dala ng mundo.
Pero alam kong di magtatagal ay babalik din ang pakiramdam ko.
Ang saya.
Ang lungkot.
Ang hirap at ang sarap mabuhay.
Lahat yun, mararamdaman ko ulit dahil alam kong may dadating at ibabalik yun sa akin.
Ang lahat ng nawala.. babalik..






.. pwera lang siguro ikaw.


------------------------------------------------
1/30 - 7:14PM

LAMIG

Kung anong lamig ng hangin ang yumakap sa akin sa pagtulog ko kagabi, ganun din ang lamig ng hangin na gumising sa akin ngayong umaga.

Ang lamig ng semento ang kumiliti sa aking mga paa.
Ang lamig ng tubig ang gumulat sa aking katawan.
Ang lamig ng galing sa labas ang walang paalam na pumasok sa aking kwarto.
Ang lamig sa labas ang sumasabay sa aking paglakad papasok ng trabaho.
Ang lamig ng hangin sa labas ang umiihip sa aking mukha at bumabalot sa aking balat.
Ang lamig ng pag ibig mo nung nakaraang taon.
Ang lamig ng pag iisa ngayon.



------------------------------------------
1/30 7:45AM